A day of self Reflection.

How are you feeling right now?

I feel stupid for not appreciating people while I was still with them. Now as I’m looking back l see how badly & irrationally I acted & hurt some of the most important people in my life. And while they say they don’t mind because they understand why I behaved the way I behaved and that they know my heart past my overwhelming emotions and feelings. It will never hurt less knowing I could lose them if I keep acting this way.

And so, I sit here wondering how to love them the way they deserve it, which is obviously full of abundance and care♡

When was the last time you celebrated your small wins?

Tell us about the last thing you got excited about.

This might just sound so lame but hear me out.

Growing up, I always wanted to ride a bicycle. Our parents couldn’t afford one and it was fine for all of us. Walking was what we always did, no matter the distance. And also I thought it was something for the boys, I accepted it. But when I went to college, seeing the students juniors/seniors everyone owning a scooty/ bike gave me a cultural shock and literally every girl could ride scooty and it gave me the FOMO. But still I knew, I won’t be able to ride anyway so what’s the point of owning one, I thought.

But during my internship, walking back and forth from hostel to hospital, sometimes even twice or thrice a day was tiring for me esp at night and I couldn’t always rely on others and I’m someone who just couldn’t ask for help/lift so casually. So, I took a leap and bought an old scooty, determined to learn, I was quite confident at start but then fear crept in. I dreaded knowing I need to go for a morning practice I couldn’t sleep peacefully (blame the overthinking me). It became the biggest fear of my life at that time.I was so frustrated and ashamed I used to lie to my parents I’d already learned it but in reality I was always on the backseat.

I struggled with this fear for almost a year but what I didn’t know was that those tiny efforts even with shaky and sweaty hands and nervous filled heart, even when I thought I didn’t learn a thing and blamed myself for my cowardness. It was indeed changing something at a micro level.

Today after being graduated for over 6 months, I can confidently ride alone, even on heavy traffic days.
That feeling when I ride—freedom, excitement, pride—is so much sweeter now because of all those dreadful days. This has to be my greatest win this year followed by me graduating as a Doctor.

So yeah going for a ride alone everyday makes me excited like nothing I have ever done before.

The irony I still don’t know how to ride a bicycle.

Thanks for reading❤️

What’s your name?

Where did your name come from?

I have seen ‘Peter’ not believing in God. I have seen ‘Mary’ choosing not to be a mother. I have seen ‘Judas’ so strong in faith. I have seen  ‘Bhagwan(God) das’ ending up in Jail. I have seen ‘Amar(immortal) sharma’ dying at 21. I have seen ‘Khushi(happiness) Kumari’ always sad.

A name is just a name until you give it meaning. Its origin hardly matters. I was named by my neighbour aunt(I don’t know why my parents couldn’t provide it themselves) for years, I hated it. I felt like  my personality didn’t match my name. It sounded old fashion and awkward and it added to my low self esteem as a child.

But a name’s meaning changes with your actions. When your work satisfies you and others  can’t help appreciating you for it, your name gains a significance far beyond it’s literal meaning.

Plot twist: My name is Sangeeta and luckily, I can sing.

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